I'm sorry I didn't reply sooner (I was thinking about your message when I couldn't sleep), 2023.
photo © Lea van Hall
performance with cookies
I am extremely aware of all the unread messages in my phone – it becomes almost like a physical sensation, a heaviness or pressure I feel in my pocket. Of course the messages are not actually unread, I know exactly what they say from seeing the notifications, I just haven’t opened them yet. I’m pretty sure everyone knows that unopened does not equal unread, yet I like to think that I’m able to give people the illusion that I just actually haven’t gotten around to seeing their message.
Thinking about gamification as a strategy to boost productivity, the cookies become a reward system, their shape resembling video game rewards/currency, or, in a more analogue way, the gold star „well done“ sticker.
The more overwhelming the amount of messages in my inbox becomes, the harder it becomes to reply to them. The anxiety of having to reply to these messages keeps me up at night. The star shaped cookies become reminiscent of the glow-in-the-dark stickers I used to have on my ceiling as child.
The time spent baking and decorating these cookies is easily enough to reply to all my messages. This act of procrastination is calming and anxiety-inducing at the same time. Baking is very meditative for me, yet the messages are always in the back of my mind – friends I’ve been ignoring, work emails I haven’t taken care of.
Maybe the reason I end up ghosting people when I really don’t mean to is that I’m not built to be reachable all the time.
The performance consists of me answering my unread messages and emails. Each cookie respresents one message that I need to send. For each message that I sent, I get to eat one cookie. The performance ends when there are no more cookies and maybe for a minute I will be able to feel some relief... until the new messages start coming in.